i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
