She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
