is your mom at the bar?
Nicole vs. Life
you win again, gameday.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You are the jesus of drinking
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The adults are the big ones right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
