Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
