Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
