I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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