dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
