she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
