my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize