As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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