I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
