I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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