Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
