i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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