Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
