We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize