She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
