Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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