last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize