As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
