i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
