So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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