Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
