Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
