taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I came so hard my ears popped.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
