Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
