This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
