Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
