I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
