just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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