why didn't you poke me back
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
