just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
