we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
my poor anus
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