Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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