Sober January is a disaster.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
