You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
