youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
