Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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