Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
