And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
