They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
