Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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