Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
