Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I look better un-naked...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize