I need to stop coming to work sober
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
