I think I died a long time ago.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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