I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
