if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
