I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
