Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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