He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
