My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
