Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
