Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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