remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
