I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
