Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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