you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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