: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
