my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
