I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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