please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
