she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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