I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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