So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Randomize
