Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
