Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
BRING THE BAGELS
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
