It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
