I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
