I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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