My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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