Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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