the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
