He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
