4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
