The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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